Struggle for an Eternity
by PadmSkywalker
Summary: After death Anakin still hasn't completed conquered his anger and hate. His friends will help him to become peaceful.


Disclaimer: I don't owe them, George Lucas does. I'm borrowing them I get no money off this. 

Notes: This happens after Anakin dies so he's the age he was when he died but he can project himself to any age. He chooses to be the age he died and Amidala is about the same age. Print in italics is thoughts, print underlined is Force speech, and bold is emphasized words. 

Anakin looked up his son with his own eyes for the first time in his life and smiled sadly at him. "You were right." He said, taking a deep breath and smiled once again at his son. "Tell your sister you were right." He told him and gasped for breath as he said it. Anakin took one last look at his son and then fell as he became one with the Force. 

Suddenly he was in a space in time with nothing around and no physical appearances but only the matter of being around. Anakin felt his old Master's presence behind him and soon found that the only way to see one was to invision them as you remember them. "Welcome back, Anakin." His Master greeted and smiled happily to his Padawan. "Luke will be at a ceremony on Endor very soon and I think you should appear." Obi-Wan suggested and Anakin nodded without words. "All you have to do is project your being there." Anakin thought hard about what he would look like if he were the same age only without the scars or injuries. Once he got a clear image of himself he was standing on Endor. He looked at his son with love and smiled. Luke smiled at seeing his father stand there with Obi-Wan and Master Yoda. Leia walked over, puts her arms around Luke, and took him towards the celebration. 

"Is that my daughter?" Anakin asked, turning to Obi-Wan and he nodded in response as he smiled. "I tortured her. How could I not know?! She looks so much like Padmé!" Anakin shouted, suddenly becoming angry with himself. Obi-Wan shook his head and disappeared, allowing Anakin to calm himself. "Gods I'm such a fool she looks just like…" Anakin turned around to face his wife who had been standing behind him for a while, going unnoticed. "Leia looks just like you Padmé." Anakin said and smiled broadly. He started to walk towards her but she shook her head. 

"No, Anakin." Amidala said sorrowfully and turned her head to him. "You tortured your own daughter, tried to kill your son and did kill me." Amidala said, reminding him of his past crimes. 

"The darkside blinded my thoughts! I loved you Padmé!" Anakin said in a pleading tone; he harshly grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Padmé I'm sorry! You can't hold it against me forever!" He shouted and stared deep into her eyes. She just shook her head, holding back tears. 

"I don't hold it against you Ani." She said, speaking in a soft, gentle tone. She was still trying to hold back her tears as she went on. "I do however hold the fact that even after you realized what happened and how evil you were you continue to get angry so easily, not even worrying once about the consequences except that someone may not forgive you." She informed him and shook her head sadly. Anakin stood speechless then suddenly traced her cheeks with his fingers. She moved his hand from her face and walked away from him. Once she was not facing him she let out soft silent sobs. Amidala stood, projecting herself so she could view her children. Anakin walked to where she stood and did the same. He took her hand into hers and she jerked it away. "Ani, don't do this. I know you love me but you hurt me so much. Don't try to make it better. We're gone, what we had is gone, you can't make it up." She insisted and turned back to watching her children. 

_Gods Luke looks so much like his father. He acts like him too, except he can control his anger better. He's a great pilot like Ani was. I wish he didn't ever turn. We could be together, happy. I want to be with him so much but I can't. He can't control his emotions even after he sees what disaster it causes. I'm so angry with him for doing this to me. How could he leave me, hurt our children. If he loved me so much and wants to be together why did he wait till now to make it right? I love him but I hate him at the same time-no I could never hate him. I'm just angry with him, very angry. I can't be in the same realm as him and not be with him, not love him. It hurts so much but if I forgave him he would go right back to being paranoid and hateful. Living like that was so unbearable at least I could escape life. You can't do that when you're one with the Force._

Amidala fell into a sitting position with her knees up and her face buried in her knees. She began to sob silently, to herself. Obi-Wan had a saddened expression on his face and walked over to her. He was so used to trying to be there for her when they were both alive, he was also used to being shoved away, yelled at and blamed. He bent down to hold her and Anakin looked down at him. He became angry at the fact that Amidala wouldn't let him hold her but would let Obi-Wan. 

_Damnit, Kenobi it wasn't enough for you to take my wife in life, now you take her again. Anakin let calm fall over him, remembering what Padmé said about forgiving him. I love her so much and if I have to control my emotions to be with her again I will._Anakin knelt down next to his wife and held her in his arms. She sensed that he had controlled his anger at Obi-Wan and held onto his hands tightly. Obi-Wan stood up and vanished into another realm of being. Anakin kissed the tears on Amidala's cheeks and they sat there holding each other for a long time. Yoda stood there observing everything unfold, he watched Amidala finally find peace with Anakin and Anakin, with himself. "I've hurt so many people." Anakin said in regret and once again became angry with himself. He slammed his fist against his leg but felt no pain. Yoda shook his head at Anakin even though neither Anakin nor Amidala noticed. 

"Never learn, Skywalker will." Yoda said, speaking to himself. Amidala heard those words and pushed herself out of Anakin's arms. 

"I'm not going to be doing this forever Anakin! If you do truly want to be with me you **have** to learn to control your anger. Even if it's for yourself." Padmé shouted and once again held back her tears. 

"Hardest to fix is the fear you caused in yourself." Yoda said, looking over at Obi-Wan who silently moved next to Master Yoda. He nodded his response as he watches his Padawan. 

"I feel like I caused all this Master Yoda." Obi-Wan admitted regretfully and felt ashamed of himself. 

"Predict the anger within Anakin you could not." Yoda assured him although it did not help clear Obi-Wan's feelings of guilt and remorse. 

"No, Master Yoda, but I could have stopped him from marrying or lectured him more like my feelings told me to." Obi-Wan suggested, trying to get Yoda to admit that it was Obi-Wan's fault. 

"Stop Skywalker from marrying could you? Then been angry you refused him that right he would have been. What if lectured him more you did? Angry and frustrated at you he would be." Yoda told him, not letting him feel guilt for the outcome. "The outcome has a reason in the Force." Master Yoda said, sharing his wisdom about Anakin's choices in life. 

"I still feel like I could have stopped it." Obi-Wan protested once more, looking at Yoda with pleading evident on his face. 

"Even when at peace with life and everyone around you, at peace with yourself you are not." Yoda stated to Obi-Wan and vanished. Obi-Wan sighed and looked over to Anakin and Amidala; Amidala was once again walking away from Anakin and to Obi-Wan. 

_Why can't they just let me be blamed for this? I caused it! I wasn't ready for a Padawan, much less Anakin. I should have never tried to comfort Amidala. I've caused as much pain and tragedy in the galaxy as Vader has. I deserve to be punished and tortured forever._

"Padmé, wait! How can I make this right? When will you forgive me?" Anakin pleaded, wanting so much for her to forgive him and be with him again. 

"Gods! You don't get it! I've already **forgiven** you Anakin! I have already put it all behind me!" Amidala screamed in frustration. Anakin stood there staring at her, confused. "You have to control your anger! **Then** I will let you in, will allow myself to let you into my heart! Just because you defeated Palpatine to help your son, loved our son in the end doesn't make it all better!" Amidala shouted to him again and sighed, shaking her head. Anakin was now the one on the brink of tears. "I don't know if you can make it right, Ani. Anger is so hard to overcome." Amidala explained in a softer tone and silently hoped to herself that it was the will of the Force for him to finally conquer his anger and fear. 

"Give me time, don't walk away every time I slip up." Anakin said calmly and let his fear and anger escape through his calmness. Both Amidala and Obi-Wan smiled to themselves at Anakin's peacefulness. Anakin solemnly walked to Obi-Wan and stood silently stood in front of him. "Would you take me as your Padawan again, Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked in optimism Amidala stood watching them both. Amidala smiled when Anakin made the move and asked Obi-Wan to help him. 

_I knew he'd make it eventually. Now I know he will do it soon. He'll get over his anger towards Obi-Wan. He did one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to do. He went to his former enemy, the man he hated for so long. He admitted he had been wrong to this man, and asked this man for help. The only thing that could possibly be tougher then doing this would be to study next to him and to control your emotions. Emotions have a way of exploding at you and everyone else and he has to restrict those explosions of anger to have love, the strongest emotion in all realms. His love is making him change and I know his love is true and great because he's doing the most difficult thing anyone could possibly do, just so we can be together. If I knew his true reasons behind it, whether he did it because he wants to be with me or if he doesn't like to see me in pain over him. That's why he killed me in life, because he was hurting me. I thought for sure that he'd go back to the lightside at that moment._

"Of course Anakin." Obi-Wan responded to Anakin and glanced over at Amidala smiling. She looked as if she were going to cry, only this time with tears of joy. "The first thing you should know is this realm is not any part physical. You only simply exist; you can make things around you physical by willing it that way. If you choose to live this way any being you come into contact with must be in a mutual agreement with you about it." Obi-Wan illustrated and made the quarters they had shared at the Jedi Temple appears and comes into being around them. Obi-Wan looked at his Padawan and Anakin nodded in understanding. "What things anger you the most Anakin?" Obi-Wan inquired; Anakin stood there in thought for a few minutes. 

"When I believe Padmé has betrayed me." Anakin stated softly in order to make sure that Amidala didn't hear. His efforts to conceal his anger were in vain because Amidala could sense his thoughts through the Force. He looked over at her suddenly saddened at her knowing the reason. 

I'm sorry Padmé, I love you, and it makes me paranoid. I'm afraid someone will take you from me. 

Ani, don't be worried about it I love you and would never leave you. **For anyone.**

"Then what you need to do to get over your fear and anger is know that she loves you." Obi-Wan instructed him, looking over at Amidala. Amidala caught the meaning and nodded in return. 

"Ani, come here." Amidala said, smiling to him and motioning for him to walk over. The room Obi-Wan had created had only a couch and a door leading to a bedroom; Amidala walked into the bedroom and Anakin followed her to it. She sat on the bed and directed him to do the same; he sat facing her on the bed. "Ani, I love you so much. If I didn't, do you think I would wait for you even after becoming one with the Force? Do you think if, I didn't love you, that I would insist you control your anger? Put my own feelings aside to make sure you don't hurt yourself?" Amidala asked, taking his face in her hands. She leaned her forehead against his and smiled warmly at him; she looked deeply into his eyes with love and moved her arms to wrap around his chest. He looked down at her, his arms on each side of her body but not touching her. He smiled down at her sadly and slowly moved his arms to enclose around her. He rubbed his hands across her back as she leaned her head on his chest. "Obi-Wan loves you like a son Anakin he would never hurt you either." Amidala completed, now talking with her eyes closed and in a drowsy voice. 

"I know Padmé, neither of you would ever hurt or betray me." Anakin said in somewhat of a promise that he would try to remember it next time he thought something was happening between them. The vibrations from his speaking soothed Amidala into a sleep. After a few minutes of Amidala not responding Anakin figured she was asleep and laid her on the bed in the room and put the covers over her. 

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
